What are you thinking?

"My will to live runs out about halfway through the day, every day. What kind of hell is this?"

"I guess I should start the ol' job search back up, but it's really tempting to give into despair and give up. Maybe I should try to look out of State, as scary as that sounds."

"I hardly have hope for the future anymore. I only see my eventual death. How can things get better for me ? I'm always falling apart after a little while. I litterally have no idea how to be stable and good. Even despite the help I got from professionals. I'm still lost and ruining my life, ruining my health (gotta go to the dentist very soon... probably to have another wisdom tooth removed... all because my depression makes me care little for my body *and there is the high level of acid whenever I'm tired and stressed that messes up my stomach*... heck, I'm litterally incapable of looking at my teeth in the mirror because it scares me... pathetic, really), ruining my chances... and on the road to ruin others' life too probably (my mother told me her mother killed herself because she had a son like me... and she might do the same eventually or get sick from the stress *she's not really at a good time in her life either these days* if I don't get better).
Sigh... I'm trying to fight still... but it's really hard and I always feel I'm never doing much or enough."

"How many enemies have I made that would trash talk me on Twitter? Only the one comes to mind, even though it's creepy to think he would make another Twitter account just to bad mouth me. Goodness, why can't this idiotic drama fade away? Maybe I should change my username on Twitter...but then that would mean he wins, yeah?"

@RadicalDreamer I feel kind of the same way right now. *hugs*

"It better not be raining or I'll be pacing around on the floor instead of going outside. Heck."

"Dammit, I'm such an idiot."

"I can relate to those dogs they shocked with electric shocks in the learned helplessness experiment. Poor puppers. *hides in my corner of the cage with the electric shock floor of inescapable despair*"

"I vowed to myself I'd avoid internet interactions as much as possible because people keep being so toxic... but this loneliness becomes too much to bear sometimes."

"If it ain't a cold it's allergies. Crud. =_= "

"I always feel so out of place when I hang out with these people, like I'm some voyeur they kindly allowed to sit and watch them. It also makes me realize how much more successful they are than I am."

^ Oh gosh, I feel like that a lot. Like, with almost everyone ever. ._. (I actually have a hard time hanging out with my in-laws or even going on facebook anymore, because everyone's got a nice house and 2.5 kids and a dog [which is usually who I wind up hanging out with because hey, at least the dog gets me] and a professional career where they feel valued and appreciated, and meanwhile I consider it an achievement when I put all the laundry away instead of just leaving it in the bathroom until it gets dirty again. And it gets worse the older I get. orz )

"Has it stopped raining? I should really get up from my desk at some point. Groceries need shoppin'."

^*hugs* I'm glad I'm not alone!

"Okay, voting for the first time ever today. The fact that my polling place is a church seems very ironic, but I suppose that shouldn't dissuade me from going."

"@ my brain, I could really do without the intrusive thoughts right now, thanks."

"Feeling creative and productive these days. I'm loving it !"

Kinda awkward to feel this way when someone just died in the family (my grandmother from my father's side... and my last grandparent alive... save for my grand-aunt and uncle).

^ I'm sorry to hear about your grandparents, RD. *hugs*  (Creativity is good, tho!)

"oh heck why am I tired already I slept all night"
current mood:

Spoiler:

"U-DO, why am I so stupid that I didn't even think about using HTML in WordPress? I fought with that layout for hours..."

stitchedmoon wrote:^ I'm sorry to hear about your grandparents, RD. *hugs*  (Creativity is good, tho!

Thanks.
"I went to my grandmother's funerals yesterday. I didn't expect to cry (considering I had a troubled relationship with her when I was younger and already accepted that this day would come soon, since she was pretty old and ill with alzheimer for years... but I guess I could't help remembering the not so bad parts... doesn't help that the funerals took place in the village she and my grandfather used to live... back then, family relationships were so much better... thanks to my grandfather's influence... I hadn't step foot in this place in 20 years... the nostalgia of better days got to me) and feel so affected by the reality of death. The coffin. The burial. It's a bit surreal to experience. Knowing we all end up like that. Knowing I will have to go through this again with my own mom and dad one day (which will be much more painful). I'm also really sad that only my uncle managed to be there with us. Some couldn't be there for understandable reasons... but a few had really petty ones. I had issues sleeping well too. I'm really tired."

"I'm not sure what I'm expecting to happen when I write for these websites. I still don't know what I want to do with my life. Hmm."

"I'm loving this new cell phone!"

"I'm not used to these glasses yet."

"stitchedmoon's latest picture was so stunning. She doesn't even know how pretty she is."

^ Dawww, thank you, Leah! ^///^; <3

"COFFEE IS READY YESSSSS"

"It's time for this stupid headache to go away..."

"Speaking of headaches, why do I keep having them. .m. "

"Oh, look...I woke up...with a headache. Really?"