Oh, geez. I really didn't know what to enter for the topic title, but it seems appropriate enough. D:
I'll give a clear warning in advance, this is gonna be a really dark rant which deals with depression in its ugliest form. If that makes you uncomfortable, you should definitely turn back now.
I've actually posted this somewhere else too and I'm just gonna do a lazy copy &
paste. With that said, here's the whole thing;
So basically, I've been struggling really hard for the last 9-10 years due to all kinds of mental suffering which may or may not be related to my autism (at this point not even the professional support I'm getting is sure anymore what the true cause is). Either way, in the last 9-10 years I've gotten professional help from many different groups and people, I've been institutionalised twice (and a third time seems to be right around the corner), but none of it is helping.
When all the professional help you've gotten over the past 9-10 years just isn't helping, what more can you do? I'm sick and tired of the whole thing and I'm not sure how I'm even still standing, given that I ran out of energy years ago.
I seem to be stuck in this cycle;
Feeling bad =>
bad feeling slowly gets worse (despite getting professional help) =>
eventual breakdown =>
institutionalisation =>
a few months later nothing has really changed, except I've regained enough energy (somehow) to pick up my life again, but I still feel bad =>
holding it together for a few years =>
bad feeling slowly gets worse (despite getting professional help) =>
eventual breakdown =>
institutionalisation =>
*repeat*
And since nothing is helping, this pattern just seems to keep repeating itself. I'm also close to hitting 30 and feel like I'm wasting precious time at this point. All the professional help I'm getting seems to accomplish nothing and just wastes my time as I grow older and fail to get any better.
This can't be all there is for me in this life, I hope... but what more can you do when you're already getting all the help you can get and none of it is helping? What else is there left to try?
I'm really tired and I'll probably be getting institutionalised again soon, but is there even a point? I don't see one anymore. Unfortunately I don't see an alternative, so I'm pretty much stuck with that option. Although a part of me does see an alternative, but I try hard not to think about that one (I don't think I need to spell that part out, do I?).
I'll be going to a psychiatrist this coming Friday to see if I should get institutionalised again. And I'm pretty much expecting that I will have to be, but I'm no longer expecting anything good to come from that. Not after 9-10 years of already having tried to get better with all the professional help you can possibly get.
I'm not expecting to get a miraculous solution by posting this here, I'm not sure if there is even much point in posting this, but well, I guess I'm just writing it off my chest? I dunno... but I suppose it's better than keeping it all pent up.
I'll give a clear warning in advance, this is gonna be a really dark rant which deals with depression in its ugliest form. If that makes you uncomfortable, you should definitely turn back now.
I've actually posted this somewhere else too and I'm just gonna do a lazy copy &
paste. With that said, here's the whole thing;
So basically, I've been struggling really hard for the last 9-10 years due to all kinds of mental suffering which may or may not be related to my autism (at this point not even the professional support I'm getting is sure anymore what the true cause is). Either way, in the last 9-10 years I've gotten professional help from many different groups and people, I've been institutionalised twice (and a third time seems to be right around the corner), but none of it is helping.
When all the professional help you've gotten over the past 9-10 years just isn't helping, what more can you do? I'm sick and tired of the whole thing and I'm not sure how I'm even still standing, given that I ran out of energy years ago.
I seem to be stuck in this cycle;
Feeling bad =>
bad feeling slowly gets worse (despite getting professional help) =>
eventual breakdown =>
institutionalisation =>
a few months later nothing has really changed, except I've regained enough energy (somehow) to pick up my life again, but I still feel bad =>
holding it together for a few years =>
bad feeling slowly gets worse (despite getting professional help) =>
eventual breakdown =>
institutionalisation =>
*repeat*
And since nothing is helping, this pattern just seems to keep repeating itself. I'm also close to hitting 30 and feel like I'm wasting precious time at this point. All the professional help I'm getting seems to accomplish nothing and just wastes my time as I grow older and fail to get any better.
This can't be all there is for me in this life, I hope... but what more can you do when you're already getting all the help you can get and none of it is helping? What else is there left to try?
I'm really tired and I'll probably be getting institutionalised again soon, but is there even a point? I don't see one anymore. Unfortunately I don't see an alternative, so I'm pretty much stuck with that option. Although a part of me does see an alternative, but I try hard not to think about that one (I don't think I need to spell that part out, do I?).
I'll be going to a psychiatrist this coming Friday to see if I should get institutionalised again. And I'm pretty much expecting that I will have to be, but I'm no longer expecting anything good to come from that. Not after 9-10 years of already having tried to get better with all the professional help you can possibly get.
I'm not expecting to get a miraculous solution by posting this here, I'm not sure if there is even much point in posting this, but well, I guess I'm just writing it off my chest? I dunno... but I suppose it's better than keeping it all pent up.
