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    XS Enneagram Discussion

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    Post by Guest Sun Feb 03, 2013 7:20 am

    In response to posts by Neoseeker, I've been reading up a little on Ennea-types.  I thought it was fun to compare my test results to the Xenosaga characters.

    An online test for your enneagram can be found here:
    http://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/

    It's sort of a new age mysticism site, but it provides two different styles of test that you can cross-reference.  There's plenty of other tests online you can take if you Google it.   You can also read descriptions that provide different viewpoints on what all the types actually mean.  

    They probably are not very accurate since they are just online tests, so it's good to keep in mind that it is just for fun.  

    And you can see which characters have the same type as you by referencing the Xenoverse Study Guide:
    http://xenoverse.xenotensei.com/characters

    I pretty solidly fell into the Type 5 category.


    World View: The world is invasive and confusing. I need privacy to think.
    Basic Desire: to understand the world
    Basic Fear: of being overwhelmed by the world

    So, I scored closest to Wilhelm.  I thought that was kind of amusing since it says a few things about my personality.  Detached, a tendency to retreat into my own thoughts.  Keen focus on particular subjects with a desire to be adequate and meaningful.  The other characters with this type are Kevin and Joachim Mizrahi.  I share a few of their traits, too.  

    It's hard to know a lot about Wilhelm from just the game, since he is so mysterious.  But I think that I do "get" a lot of the notes on him and his Enneagram type in the ODM and other resources.

    Particularly, a sense of meaninglessness.  A fear of being inadequate or lacking the inner strength to deal with the world that everybody else seems to exist in with no problem.  I have no established religion or spirituality, and it is very difficult for me to form personal relationships.  

    If this was part of Wilhelm's internal struggle and his motivation for putting eternal recurrence into action, then that would be pretty interesting to me.
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    Post by chibi Sun Feb 03, 2013 9:58 am

    This is what I got when I took the test - You are most likely a Type 4 (the Individualist) with 5 wing.

    It sounds true, since in the past, I've taken these and come up with a Type 5.  Specifically, it says 4s tend to identify themselves as 5s often, but a lot of what it says in Type 4 sounds like me.  This in particular fits me to a T, "Fours are emotionally complex and highly sensitive. They long to be understood and appreciated for their authentic selves, but easily feel misunderstood and unappreciated. They have a tendency to withdraw in the face of a world that seems harsh or crude, and are often somewhat moody or temperamental."

    Looking through Xenosaga, the only 4s I saw were Almadel and the Kirschwassers.  I identified quite strongly with the Kirschwassers in Ep. I, so this may be the reason why.
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    Post by LadyTwi Sun Feb 03, 2013 3:14 pm

    I took this test several years ago and came up 4w5, self-preservation variant, which I think suits me pretty well. I can sometimes float into 6 as well, as that tends to come up third most. I just retook the test and got the same exact thing. XD

    I've always been disappointed by the lack of type 4s in the series, and I never really felt much of a connection with the Kirschwassers. However, Emeralda is also a type 4, albeit a sexual one (though sometimes I can have the passion of a sexual variant), and I felt more of a connection with her. She was one of my favourite characters in the game, behind Bart. :3
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    Post by Guest Sun Feb 03, 2013 5:03 pm

    I'm the same exact type as Fei/Abel, right down to the variant stacking. Sexual/Social 9w1. I've gotten type 5 a few times, but it even says 9s often mistype as 5s. I find the Enneagram to be very interesting to discuss, even if you don't believe it.
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    Post by Guest Sun Feb 03, 2013 5:26 pm

    The most common result for me seems to be 5w6, but I've algo gotten 6w5 in some tests... but the variant is always self-preservation.
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    Post by Guest Sun Feb 03, 2013 5:46 pm

    Zeal wrote:The most common result for me seems to be 5w6, but I've algo gotten 6w5 in some tests... but the variant is always self-preservation.

    In the games, Joachim and Melchior are SP 5s, while Allen, Mary, Shelley, and Alice are SP 6s.

    Also, there's a sort of "auto-diagnosis" to help determine your type. It's not the most accurate, but it's interesting. These are the questions:

    "When you were growing up did you feel...

    Abandoned by the mother?
    Unloved by the mother?
    Abused by the mother?

    Controlled by the father?
    Ignored by the father?
    Criticized by the father?

    Alienation by siblings/others?
    Useless by siblings/others?
    Inferiorized by siblings/others?"

    Answer one for each of the three sets, and then chose which one you feel strongest about, and which one works the least.
    And it doesn't have to be your actual mother or father, but it can be your mother/figure figure when you were growing up.

    I ended up with 9-5-3, 9 being the strongest and 3 being the weakest.

    Here are the answers:
    Spoiler:
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    Post by Guest Sun Feb 03, 2013 6:06 pm

    ^ That's getting me different results: 8-4-7, with strongest 4 and weakest 8, although it's much harder to pick the answers in this test...
    But well, even with other online tests that have questions similar to the first one posted by Glance, I remember I used to keep getting all kinds of results. 5, 6, 9, 2 and [size=50]edit since my memory doesn't help me at all[/size] 7. So I just had to read the descriptions for all of those. I'd say 5 and 6 really are the most accurate, but I see how the tests can differ, since it's probably impossible to describe someone with only one, or even two of those "types"

    ....

    Seems like Krelian's a 5, although he has a different variant... but he's the character I feel closest too. It's also easier for me to compare myself to him, since Melchior is kind of a minor character, and Joachim, I can't say much about him since I always found those Miltia segments of XSIII to be kinda confuse T.T


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    Post by Guest Sun Feb 03, 2013 6:19 pm

    Krelian actually has the SP subtype last, since he's a SX/SO, although as a 5 it would make sense to feel he's relatable. In case your still uncertain, here are descriptions on SP 5 and SP 6:

    "5 self-pres - The most 5ish 5. Passion for sanctuary/hiddenness. Needs to be walled in, hides like a wolf in its lair. Needs to keep people out through castle walls. Problems with expressiveness - the least expressive type."

    "6 self-pres -Fear of no protection. Warm, teddy bears, want to feel the warm embrace of family, where there are no enemies (family of utmost importance to this type). The alliance former - makes bargains "I won't hurt you, you won't hurt me", bringing people together in the presence of a common enemy. Allows too much ambiguity. Rabbit."

    One of my best friends in real life is a SP 6, and my oldest sister is an SP 5, so I have a lot of experience with both types.
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    Post by Guest Mon Feb 04, 2013 4:59 pm

    So 5 it is... thanks Adrak, that was pretty helpful o/

    I really should read more about the types, and which characters correspond to each of them, sometime. Sounds interesting, but I've never really taken my time to do it = /
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    Post by stitchedmoon Mon Feb 04, 2013 6:20 pm

    6w5 self-pres, guilty as charged.

    ... Actually, whenever I take these tests I get almost the same score for 5 and 6, but 6 is usually a little higher, and I seem to identify more with the description for that type.

    *burrows under security blanket*
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    Post by Guest Mon Feb 04, 2013 8:32 pm

    It's strange to me that my results were so strong in one direction. I identify with a lot of traits of several of the types, but the tests always returned Type 5 with a self preservation almost 10 to 1 over everything else.
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    Post by Guest Wed Feb 06, 2013 5:11 am

    ^Same here, on the identifying with traits from several of the types part.

    I got type 5 with balanced wings when I took the test a few days ago. Wish I remembered to take a screenshot -- might as well do them again. I figure the results might be different because I'm emotionally level today. A few days ago, I felt pretty drat iffy.

    Type 6 SO
    Wing 5w6 - 14.5
    Type 5 - 10

    For the test in Adrak's post I got 6-9-3.

    I find it interesting that KOS-MOS, Sakura, Elly, and Miang are Type 2s.

    EDIT: I'm surprised I got SO actually. From reading the page I'd have guessed that I was SP, not SO.
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    Post by Guest Wed Feb 06, 2013 6:15 pm

    shale-rowe wrote:^Same here, on the identifying with traits from several of the types part.

    I got type 5 with balanced wings when I took the test a few days ago. Wish I remembered to take a screenshot -- might as well do them again. I figure the results might be different because I'm emotionally level today. A few days ago, I felt pretty drat iffy.

    Type 6 SO
    Wing 5w6 - 14.5
    Type 5 - 10

    For the test in Adrak's post I got 6-9-3.

    I find it interesting that KOS-MOS, Sakura, Elly, and Miang are Type 2s.

    EDIT: I'm surprised I got SO actually. From reading the page I'd have guessed that I was SP, not SO.

    Miang and KOS-MOS are both SO 2:

    "2 social - Wants to be important, leader type. Ambition to stand above, have influence and advantages. Stuffy. More civilized, less voluptuous than SX, more adult than SP."



    Elly is a SX 2:

    "2 sexual - Seducer. Expression of feeling to get your allegiances. Dangerous beauty - needs to have a hold of you, might eat you up. NN to seduce, desire for other. Helen of Troy - woman for whom men went to war and lost their lives. Wants EVERYTHING - wants someone to give them everything - it might be material, might be pampering, whatever - but they want everything to come from the other. The dumb blond - doesn't need to develop intelligence."



    Sakura is a SP 2:

    "2 self-pres - more childlike than the other two subtypes. Cuteness, less adult. "Infantile" by psychoanaytic standards. "ME" is the most important, in a child like way, a child-like importance. Wants to be loved just for being. The love need is quite naked. They use remaining little for gain. Pretend to be unadulterated."



    Also, if you're curious about type SO 6:

    "6 social - Cold, prussian character. Very precise. Intolerance of ambiguity. A little like 3 in efficiency. Duty is utmost - but that doesn't mean they actually do their duty, but that they are concerned about it all the time - NN to have those points of reference. Disconnected from intuition."

    Social 6s are sometimes called "Hitler's henchmen" to describe their most negative traits. In Xenosaga, Jin, Canaan, Citrine, Lactis, and Lapis are all SO 6.

    I also never posted the description for my own type:

    "9 sexual - Union/fusion/symbiosis/confluence. Needs to be through another. Fuses with one other. Use relationship to feed your being because you don't stand on your own 2 feet - stands through the other. Suspicious tenderness. Nobodies, not living with passion. Too dispassionate. "Nowhere Man". Not noticable - wallflower. Erased from family picture. "She eats but no one has seen her chew." Betrays own needs."
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    Post by Guest Wed Feb 06, 2013 6:26 pm

    Also, Zeal, here's Joachim's Enneagram type description off of the Study Guide:

    "According to Enneagram personality classification, Joachim is classified as a type 5 (detached / analytical / extreme / convention-breaker)."

    This type cannot turn their eyes away from a target that to them is a menace. His daughter's illness, and the Gnosis as a symbol of death. Joachim concentrated deeply on those sorts of threats that could destroy his world. This type has the ability to observe objectively while being obsessed. That is to say, while getting into the target of observation, they have an eye that can calmly analyze. Because of this, even in the middle of a situation that other people would only be able to perceive as chaos, they are able to discover the relationships of various phenomena.

    The basic research on Gnosis along with the design and development of the hundred series observational system, the basic research on the Zohar along with the production of the emulators, and the development of many nanomachines. He made an inquiry into the way in which the world came about from the position of physics and neurophysiology and established the Cerebral Sciences Research Center. He was a genius who constructed a means for talking about the world based on a new system of knowledge."


    - Xenosaga Official Design Materials

    Joachim can further be classified as a Self-Preservation variant type 5, the most introverted subtype of type 5. They are intensely private people who seem to require few comforts, even if they have substantial personal wealth. To some degree, they enjoy the company of trusted others and enjoy sharing their knowledge with people. If they are in a partnership, they require personal space (such as a study or a nook in the basement) into which others, even loved ones, will not intrude. They also tend to hoard personal effects, stockpiling their homes like castles preparing for a siege. As much as they may like and admire others, they attempt to keep their relationships few and simple, so that they can focus on what holds interest for them. More alienated than other types. Avoids needing others. Dry depression."



    I thought you might be interested.
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    Post by Guest Wed Feb 06, 2013 10:37 pm

    ^ And you were right, I was gonna check some profiles on the site but I had completely forgotten about it, as usual T.T
    And it's actually accurate too, except for the genius scientist parts of course! Thanks again o/
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    Post by Guest Thu Feb 07, 2013 1:52 am

    Zeal wrote:^ And you were right, I was gonna check some profiles on the site but I had completely forgotten about it, as usual T.T
    And it's actually accurate too, except for the genius scientist parts of course! Thanks again o/

    I've found the Enneagram more interesting as I've read into it more, and I'm planning on picking up some books on the subject soon. At first, I just dismissed it as another one of those silly personality tests, although it actually has a lot of substance and interesting ideas. As a started seeing the types in people around me though, as well as seeing it in myself, it all started to fit in place. One of my friends is an SP 6, and I can really see it in him now. It's actually a little surreal.  Laughing  

    If you have any other questions though, please ask. I'm by no means an expert, although I can probably conjure up something to respond.
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    Post by Tehrin Thu Feb 07, 2013 12:54 pm

    I'm a type 9w1 and... Type 9 SX.

    I know Ziggy is a type 9. But I'm much more on the healthy side of things. Really optimistic but overly critical of myself. I like helping other people and I'm always putting other people's needs before my own. I can't say no, I have trouble being assertive, I do whatever is asked of me without questioning. Clean the disgusting toilet at work. Okay. Go move all these heavy boxes that you probably can't lift easily and hurt yourself if you try to do it quickly. Okay. Deal with mean and demanding customer, don't put foot down (until they get really out of hand but you're still polite and nice to them even if they disrespect you). Patient as hell. So non-confrontational that I just avoid the person/problem entirely until it gets to critical mass, and then I still try to find a way to weasel myself out of it, or pretend there's no problem. I tend to stick in the background more. I've taken it a few times over the years and I always kind of end up with the same results. So I think it's pretty accurate!
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    Post by Guest Thu Feb 07, 2013 7:08 pm

    I guess we're both the two SX 9s around here then.  Wink

    I also think it's important to note with the enneagram that everyone has all the types in them, you just have one dominant type, which is what you're classified by. What the types are is the primal fear in your mind. For example, the fear of the 9 is being abandoned and the fear of loss (as in losing a person, object, or idea). That's why the answer on the auto-diagnosis for type 9 is "Abandoned by the mother," because they feel they've been abandoned even when they haven't. 9s act in the way they due to counteract this fear, by making sure that harmony is kept intact. Everyone acts in the way of all the types depending on the situation or how they feel.
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    Post by Guest Thu Feb 07, 2013 9:43 pm

    Adrak wrote:I've found the Enneagram more interesting as I've read into it more, and I'm planning on picking up some books on the subject soon. At first, I just dismissed it as another one of those silly personality tests, although it actually has a lot of substance and interesting ideas. As a started seeing the types in people around me though, as well as seeing it in myself, it all started to fit in place. One of my friends is an SP 6, and I can really see it in him now. It's actually a little surreal.  Laughing  

    If you have any other questions though, please ask. I'm by no means an expert, although I can probably conjure up something to respond.

    Yeah, it looked kinda silly to me at first too, but seeing how detailed it can actually be is quite interesting. I'll take more tests later, since it's been some time and I'm not very sure about what their results were anymore (I mean, besides the one I took upon seeing the topic).

    I'll keep that in mind, thanks a lot dude = )
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    Post by Tehrin Thu Feb 07, 2013 11:33 pm

    Adrak wrote:I guess we're both the two SX 9s around here then.  Wink

    I also think it's important to note with the enneagram that everyone has all the types in them, you just have one dominant type, which is what you're classified by. What the types are is the primal fear in your mind. For example, the fear of the 9 is being abandoned and the fear of loss (as in losing a person, object, or idea). That's why the answer on the auto-diagnosis for type 9 is "Abandoned by the mother," because they feel they've been abandoned even when they haven't. 9s act in the way they due to counteract this fear, by making sure that harmony is kept intact. Everyone acts in the way of all the types depending on the situation or how they feel.

    I definately think that fear of abandonment and loss is my biggest fear. But it's not in the sense of being clingy. I can deal with being alone (as in, for a few days by myself, I love alone time.), but being abandoned or having that happen through loss is utterly terrifying. D: When my husband goes out of town for conventions I can't go to due to my job, I'm happy to be left alone to my own devices, but I'm a worrywart at the same time. I'm not really tied down to my objects, I love my stuff, but if I had to loose them, I'd be alright. But if I lost really important people in my life, I don't know what I'd do.

    But then again, I recently lost my mom (a few weeks ago) and I felt literally nothing. It's like it didn't happen. It was so weird. I was the only one in the immediate family not crying, not upset, or anything. o_o
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    Post by Guest Fri Feb 08, 2013 2:27 am

    I pretty consistently get a mix of three primary numbers with this thing, 9, 6, and 5. The results tend to vary a bit depending on the test/my current mental state, but this time around I got a 9w1 followed closely by a 5w6. However, with the variant, I got a 6 self-preservation.

    Following the comparison thingy, probably one of the closest characters I got was Seraphita from Xenogears, and upon reflection, my social interaction side is actually incredibly like her, especially when it's with people I'm close to.

    From the saga point of view, I'm probably closest to Allen. From the character profiles;

    People of this type do their best to be solid and responsible, but they are often troubled by an undercurrent of doubt and anxiety. Allen is a Self-preservation Variant of type 6, known for seeking warmth and affection like from a family. Anxiety in this type disappears in the company of friends, but as Allen frequently finds himself in new situations with strangers during his adventure with Shion, he becomes stressed and nervous. He feels endangered if people don't like him. He pleases to feel safe, wishing to get Shion's affection. This type will use humor, charm, self deprecation to make friends out of possible enemies, have worries about their ability to survive, and scary, "worst case scenario" fantasies. Typically more phobic, avoidant, timid, cautious and insecure than other type 6 variants. Besides rejecting people he feels unsure about, Allen is always seeking others that share his concerns to hold his fear in check. This subtype makes friends slowly, through experiences, but will become a buddie for life.

    I'm a huge anxious wreck, though less anxious in the company of people I find safe. New situations freak me out a lot, and I definitely ramp up the humor and self-deprecation in a lot of (read: all) situations, probably as a pacifying mechanism as it says. I'm avoidant as hell because everything is going to go wrong forever. Also, I have a fondness for crossbows, which is clearly a trait type 6es share. Clearly.

    Of course, I also am (almost paradoxally speaking when compared to the Seraphita-ness) incredibly, incredibly reserved, avoiding as much conflict as possible, and constantly monitoring my emotional status, which puts me in league with the likes of Ziggy. I apologize profusely to the most awesome space-dad fiction has known for sullying the reputation of his Enneagram type. But damn, enjoying the repetition of routines, difficulty in mobilizing self, belief that what they want is unobtainable, a dry sense of humor and zones out in chairs? I definitely qualify as an unhealthy 9 as well. :B

    So I guess I'm like a coin. On one side is a peppy bunny girl and a nervous dork and on the other side is a broody suicidal spacecop. WORKS FOR ME!
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    Post by stitchedmoon Fri Feb 08, 2013 5:37 am

    ^ HEY WE KINDA MATCH.  ANXIOUS ALLENS UNITE.  :D I understand what you mean about relating to other types, though.  I think I've always wanted to be more 9-like and there are certain things about characters like Ziggy that I can identify with ... y'know, if only I wasn't constantly stressing about everything all the damn time. :E  (I've always liked how he says "don't worry" a lot; it's reassuring to me, even though it's kind of as effective as telling me to stop blinking.)

    ... Also I thought it was funny that they were described as "zoning out in chairs" 'cause LOL maintenance.

    Tehrin wrote:I definately think that fear of abandonment and loss is my biggest fear. But it's not in the sense of being clingy. I can deal with being alone (as in, for a few days by myself, I love alone time.), but being abandoned or having that happen through loss is utterly terrifying. D: When my husband goes out of town for conventions I can't go to due to my job, I'm happy to be left alone to my own devices, but I'm a worrywart at the same time. I'm not really tied down to my objects, I love my stuff, but if I had to loose them, I'd be alright. But if I lost really important people in my life, I don't know what I'd do.

    *hugs* That's one of my biggest fears too, although in my case it probably stems from the "Let's imagine every possible worst case scenario all the time forever!" approach to reality that I seem to have.  Like, I've always been kind of a hermit crab around social interaction but I also have really REALLY bad separation anxiety that's been getting ridiculous in the past few years, to the point that I pretty much worry nonstop about my fiance whenever he has to leave the house without me, like for work or something (so basically every day).  I have the same worries filed away in my brain for just about everyone else I've ever loved.  I JUST WANT TO KEEP EVERYONE SAFE FOREVER.

    But then again, I recently lost my mom (a few weeks ago) and I felt literally nothing. It's like it didn't happen. It was so weird. I was the only one in the immediate family not crying, not upset, or anything. o_o

    I'm so sorry about your mom.  It could be just your own way of grieving, y'know?  Like, I know that sounds weird but when my grandmother died I didn't know how to feel about it either.  She was really unhappy and hostile towards the end of her life and also really sick from lung cancer, so I had mixed feelings about the whole thing and I don't think I was able to cry properly about it for years.  (Also she kind of pushed people away and didn't want a funeral, so I didn't even get to go to her funeral.)  I miss her so much, but it took me a long time to get over all the other baggage before I could even get around to what I felt about her dying.  Or something like that.  Anyway, *hugs*

    Adrak wrote:I've found the Enneagram more interesting as I've read into it more, and I'm planning on picking up some books on the subject soon. At first, I just dismissed it as another one of those silly personality tests, although it actually has a lot of substance and interesting ideas. As a started seeing the types in people around me though, as well as seeing it in myself, it all started to fit in place. One of my friends is an SP 6, and I can really see it in him now. It's actually a little surreal.

    Same here.  I find it pretty useful even if it is just a hypothetical way of classifying people.  (I've been kind of using it as a cheat sheet for writing or role-playing, to keep characters in line with their basic character traits.  It helped a lot when I was writing Xenosaga fics, so when I started doing stuff with my own characters I figured out Enneagram types for all of them, too.  It's definitely not a foolproof solution but it does help to have a basic set of motives to go back to.)


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    Post by Xernova Fri Feb 08, 2013 6:46 am

    I personally dislike Enneagrams myself. I've remained silent on the subject so far, but I saw a comment here which strongly links to the reason why I dislike it, so I'm gonna give my 2 cents after all.

    Adrak wrote:I've found the Enneagram more interesting as I've read into it more, and I'm planning on picking up some books on the subject soon. At first, I just dismissed it as another one of those silly personality tests, although it actually has a lot of substance and interesting ideas. As a started seeing the types in people around me though, as well as seeing it in myself, it all started to fit in place. One of my friends is an SP 6, and I can really see it in him now. It's actually a little surreal.  Laughing  
    The reason why I dislike Enneagrams is because I just don't like the concept of putting numbers on people's personalities. And once you start seeing people as "personality-numbers", well, that just bugs me. Or to put it in Xenosaga-terms; to me the whole concept feels like a "robotic KOS-MOS" way of observing people, which I'm not very fond of.

    Sadly I can't explain it any better than that. I'm just throwing this out here for those wondering why I dislike it (as I've mentioned it before). But yes, I just wanted to voice my opinion on the subject, even though it's clearly not a popular one here. ^^;
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    Post by stitchedmoon Fri Feb 08, 2013 7:15 am

    *nodnod* Nah, I know what you mean and I kinda agree that it's not a good idea to get so caught up in classifying people that you start to see them as a set of numbered archetypes rather than individuals with unique personalities, so I think your argument is a valid one.  Like, it's dangerous to oversimplify things to the point of an equation where you're basically saying, "There are only X types of people in the world (whether X = 2 or 9 or what have you) and that's all you need to know about anyone."

    Personally, I find it works best as a shorthand for characterization and for understanding other people on the basis that not everyone operates off the same motivations and instincts or deals with certain situations the same way I would. But I do think there is  point at which it becomes kind of arbitrary to separate people that way--on the one hand we're all human and on the other we're all a little different, so where exactly do we start drawing lines? (It kinda brings me back to a discussion we had in archaeology class about lumpers vs. splitters, buuuut I've probably already digressed enough for one post. /aqua elk)


    Last edited by stitchedmoon on Fri Apr 29, 2016 2:02 pm; edited 1 time in total
    Tehrin
    Tehrin


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    XS Enneagram Discussion Empty Re: XS Enneagram Discussion

    Post by Tehrin Fri Feb 08, 2013 10:34 am

    stitchedmoon wrote:I'm so sorry about your mom.  It could be just your own way of grieving, y'know?  Like, I know that sounds weird but when my grandmother died I didn't know how to feel about it either.  She was really unhappy and hostile towards the end of her life and also really sick from lung cancer, so I had mixed feelings about the whole thing and I don't think I was able to cry properly about it for years.  (Also she kind of pushed people away and didn't want a funeral, so I didn't even get to go to her funeral.)  I miss her so much, but it took me a long time to get over all the other baggage before I could even get around to what I felt about her dying.  Or something like that.  Anyway, *hugs*

    With my mom it was really weird because she was extremely abusive from the time I was about 9 until about 13. She also got divorced with my dad and dated a scumbag, and then dated this weird photographer with a farmer's tan and an unkempt Bob Ross afro. The emotional/verbal abuse tapered off a bit during my teenage years, but she'd still have bouts of rage. Then she had a stroke and learned to calm down. But she'd always have left-handed comments. I eventually forgave her for what she had done. I wrote it off as menopause/mid-life crisis and throwing all her anger off at everyone who didn't really deserve it. Yes, I did stuff I shouldn't have (we all do), but I didn't really deserve half of it. So while I was able to have a relationship with her, I wasn't super-close. I never really felt like a part of the family. So maybe that explains it. But then again, my half-sister who only spent a few years around with her was more upset by it than I was, and I lived with her until I was 27. u_u

    I probably won't actually cry about it or get really upset. I guess in my mind, it is what it is? IDK. o_o

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