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    What is a friend?

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    What is a friend?

    Post by Guest on Sun Jan 27, 2013 11:12 am

    Let's have a thread discussing friends and the nature of platonic companionship.

    I keep very few friends these days. The only person I hang out with is my boyfriend (everyone in my area kind of sucks for various reasons :I ) but I have very good friends in NYC and my best friend lives in NC, so those are both online friendships really. Once in a blue moon I can see the NYC pals though, but my internet friendships have always been better than people I've known IRL. I guess I have high standards for everything, but I also realized what kind of people are toxic/bad influences and have successfully removed them from my life.

    Do you consider online friendships to be "real" or is there a physical connection required for you?
    Do you believe in "filler friends?"

    And anything else that comes to mind.
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    salut hurricane

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    Re: What is a friend?

    Post by salut hurricane on Sun Jan 27, 2013 1:44 pm

    Question! What is a filler friend?

    I consider online friendships to be as real as any other friendship, but there are still limitations to interactions (although webcam certainly changes things now) and meeting up with online friends IRL I find is still pretty awkward, at least for me. With that being said though a girl I knew in high school is the closest person I have that isn't family, and she lives on the other side of the country now. I used to be very close with people physically (more so than internet people) in high school, though a particularly bad falling out caused me not to give a crap and now I primarily hang around on the 'Net. I'm trying to open up in the non-digital world though. I think it's still important to remain an open person both IRL and on the web.

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    Re: What is a friend?

    Post by Guest on Sun Jan 27, 2013 6:21 pm

    I don't get it either, what do you my by "filler friend", Shinsei?

    salut hurricane wrote:I consider online friendships to be as real as any other friendship, but there are still limitations to interactions (although webcam certainly changes things now) and meeting up with online friends IRL I find is still pretty awkward, at least for me.

    ^ I agree with that. If two people talk, care about each other, laugh, share their good/bad moments, etc... does it really matter if they're physically close or apart from each other? Would they be "less friends" just because they aren't personally meeting when they do those things? That doesn't make sense to me...


    Last edited by 84 on Mon Jan 28, 2013 7:04 pm; edited 1 time in total
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    stitchedmoon

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    Re: What is a friend?

    Post by stitchedmoon on Mon Jan 28, 2013 5:12 am

    Absolutely.  The friends I've met online in the past 5-10 years are some of the best friends I've ever had, and at least a few of them have turned into IRL friendships (IRL as in actually physically meeting somewhere, because I think the internet counts as real life too, unless I've been spending most of my waking hours in a virtual reality simulation all this time).  For me, meeting in person isn't required (although it can be awesome!), and I've had much better friendships since I started getting to know people by talking to them online about stuff we have in common.

    I too am curious to know what this term "filler friend" means.  I don't think I've ever heard it before.


    Last edited by stitchedmoon on Mon Apr 20, 2015 5:07 pm; edited 1 time in total


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    TheMagician

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    Re: What is a friend?

    Post by TheMagician on Mon Jan 28, 2013 3:31 pm

    Do I consider online friends real friends? Of course I do. There's many folks I met online since I started social networking back in 2006 that I hold in high regard... Often to the point where I decide that I trust them enough to tell them something that's very personal to me. It actually took me a while to accept that I was gaining friends back then, because to tell the truth, I don't have many IRL friends since I was treated as an outcast/outsider - the one who was singled out just for being different, so I made little to no attempt to get close to the people I grew up with, especially considering I had no common ground with them in most cases. There are a few that actually made an effort to get close to me though, and they are still my friends today. One of them moved away to California. I haven't seen him in person in around 5 years, but we still keep in touch via Facebook or some other method.

    So yeah, I feel I'm a lot better off with my online friends sometimes. They are some of the best friends I ever, and I mean EVER met. I find that I have a lot of things in common with most of them, I can have fun and joke with them... I honestly don't know what I'd be doing had I opted not to become active in any online community.

    For the record, I don't know how one would classify someone as a "filler friend" either.

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    Re: What is a friend?

    Post by Guest on Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:58 pm

    magic, that's kind of sad. i can relate to that. i too am pretty different in a lot of ways. i know i had my share of hard times. but thankfully i was stupid in character and it never got me down. hell, it was my strongest weapon. whatever makes you different makes you very interesting.

    there's not a single person i met online first and then in real. a few people i met on forums like this and then ended up on facebook, but that's as close as it gets. never talk to them even when seeing them online. you can call them fillers or something like that.

    another type of friends you can call fillers in the real. i'm that guy friends ask, or beg last minute, to show up to their lunch/dinner/party so that they can feel a bit more comfortable or because they don't have a date. being used maybe, but i always seem to have a good time anywhere i go. especially when there's drink involved. the next morning i see a bunch of friend requests from folks i'll probably never see again.

    me, i can only make friends in the real. i've traveled a lot and have met and spent time with so many different people. strangers at first but quickly became close like family. i'll send some letters off once in a while. i usually make my own cards while cutting something up. last time i cut out a neat card made out of a beer can, made especially for someone who i liked to drink with. and sometimes i find letters in my mailbox. letters are a powerful thing and i hope you all get a chance to write them on paper.

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    Re: What is a friend?

    Post by Guest on Thu Jan 31, 2013 9:04 pm

    I am a loner type personality, so I have never made very many friends on my own. Through my whole life, I've sort of accepted that most friendships have expiration dates. Like when you change schools, or your friends go off to college. I've never had that person who would continue to talk to me after our lifestyles no longer put us together on a regular basis. Like the work friend who would talk to me outside of work, or the friend from school who you could call on weekends to see what they're up to. I never had anybody like that.

    Online friends are kind of the same way. I meet people, and as soon as our interests change, I never hear from them again. Especially with fandoms. There are a very small number of people I retain as friends from different fandoms because we honestly enjoy each other as people and not just as targets for fandom appreciation.

    oraf

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    Re: What is a friend?

    Post by oraf on Tue Feb 05, 2013 3:46 pm

    GlanceReviver wrote:Through my whole life, I've sort of accepted that most friendships have expiration dates.
    so true.


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    Tehrin

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    Re: What is a friend?

    Post by Tehrin on Wed Feb 06, 2013 12:48 pm

    I don't have a whole lot of people I consider to be really good close friends. I have a lot of people I consider friends, namely my convention friends (but many of them are out of state). The ones that do live locally, I don't see often. I've been also making some local friends through other hobbies and interests. But... in reality, I miss being able to hang out with a good friend for a day, do something fun, have a girl's night, going shopping, or whatever. The friends I do have that live really close by either work when I'm home and then are home when I'm working. So I don't see them much. I feel like I'm too tied down to a job I hate, and the only person I get to see outside of co-workers is my husband. Because I'm a manager, I try not to get too close and friendly with my co-workers because then it makes it hard for me to correct someone or push them in the right direction when they're not doing something right. Plus they're mostly all older and/or have little in common with me anyway. :<

    So ronrey~
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    Shizukesa

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    Re: What is a friend?

    Post by Shizukesa on Sun Apr 19, 2015 6:23 pm

    wow this is a big & complexed topic for me. i have to really think this to give exact answer of my life.


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